I know what Therapy for a Vampire was going for and it horribly misses the mark. This humorless film isn't just bad. It's not just unworthy of your money. It's a time thief. You won't get those 85 minutes back and when you get to the end of this flick, it feels like you've completed a marathon or finished a payback trek for a bet lost.
What's it all about? A vampire is fed up with his wife and wants to find a way to get rid of her so he can have a new woman in his life. His wife is a strong willed woman though and suffers from a terrible condition of being unable to see her face. So he sends her to a painter and tries to steal the painter's girlfriend. Throw in a therapist named Sigmund Freud, a driver you shouldn't trust, and some poorly executed comedy and you have a candidate for the worst film of the year. It may be one of the worst films I've ever seen.
Am I being too harsh? Not close. This isn't Gigli bad or Ghost Rider laugh fest territory. It's a dark comedy that doesn't make you laugh once and doesn't have a single good moment located inside of its short running time. When the best thing about a film is his running time, something is wrong. I don't think the editor did a great job. I don't think they cared that much about the finished product.
Amazingly, this film was a part of the Fantasia Film Festival and even won an award. It was a part of the Austrian Film Festival. They must not have great films over there or someone was misguided.
Should you see Therapy for a Vampire? Please no. You shouldn't even think about it. I almost didn't write a review of the film because I don't think it will last at the indie film theater in St. Louis for more than a week and it's just that bad.
There was a decent idea somewhere near the inception of this film's story process. It just died before they started shooting.
Let's put it this way. You can be the biggest hater of Independence Day and I would still recommend going to see the sequel over this film.
Please don't watch this trailer.
