ST. LOUIS — Every murder victim has a story, and Joseph Farrar’s was one of redemption cut short.
Police and family members say he was an innocent bystander killed by a stray bullet stemming from a shootout between an alleged car theft victim and the man she believed stole her car.
Damesha Coleman, 35, is now charged with Farrar’s murder along with 19-year-old Darious Jackson, who was sitting inside her Hyundai Tucson at the Speedie gas station at North Broadway and Riverview at about 10:30 p.m. Wednesday.
“Somebody else’s mess killed my brother,” said Michelle Jackson, the youngest of Farrar’s four siblings.
Farrar, 49, was at the gas station hoping to buy some medicine for his 11-year-old son, who had been diagnosed with the flu earlier in the day.
Police found him unresponsive near a gas pump.
He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Now, his siblings are clinging to the progress their brother made in the months before his death to cope with his loss.
They gathered at Michelle Jackson’s home in Hazelwood Thursday to share memories of their brother with 5 On Your Side.
“We told him that we were proud of him, and that we saw it, ‘We see what you're doing, you look good, you sound good, we're impressed with the way you live your life now,’” Michelle Jackson said.
It wasn’t always that way.
When Farrar was 18, his mother died.
“People thought because he was 18, he was a lot more grown than he really was, so they weren’t really willing to take him in as much as they were me because I was only 7,” Michelle Jackson said.
His three other siblings were older than him and on their own.
So, the streets took him in.
Soon, he began to battle an addiction.
The crime that came along with it landed him in and out of prison for most of his life, his family said.
He had two sons, 26-year-old Justin Farrar, and 11-year-old Joseph Farrar Jr., along the way.
Even though he let his family down through the years, his siblings said they could never stay mad at him.
“He would just make you laugh,” Michelle Jackson said.
The night he was killed, he joked with his sister who told him she was sorry she missed an earlier call from him because she had been in the shower.
“He told me, ‘A brother does not need to know when his sister is in the shower,’” Donna Conner recalled, laughing with her siblings.
The last time Farrar got out of the penitentiary was in October 2021.
He told his siblings he had been sober since October 2019, when he went in.
Something about his release this time seemed different, they said.
He got a job at a steel company.
A car.
And a place of his own.
“This last time that he was incarcerated, I guess he made a decision to do better and he stood on that when he came home,” Michelle Jackson said.
His family was most proud of how he was being a father to his sons.
His last act in life was trying to find a way to make one of them feel better.
He went to a grocery store looking for medicine for his son first, but it was closed, Michelle Jackson said.
In keeping with his sense of humor – and flirtatious side – he cut a phone call with his sister Donna Conner short to escort a woman who caught his eye to her car at the gas station.
“I said, ‘Don’t nobody want you,’” Conner recalled telling her brother. “He said, ‘Watch me, I’m the Mac.’”
That was the last time she heard from him.
Police found another man with a gunshot wound to the head at the far end of the gas station parking lot where Farrar was killed.
They believe that man was also struck by a stray bullet from the shootout between Coleman, an unknown armed man who came to help her, and the man inside the stolen car. That victim was taken to the hospital, and his condition remains unknown.
Coleman has been charged with six offenses, including two counts of first-degree murder. A judge ordered her to be held without bail. She has no prior criminal history, according to court documents.
Farrar’s family members said they’re not mad at Coleman.
“I wish that she would have contacted the authorities, but I understand,” Michelle Jackson said. “I will be more mad with the guys that stole her car to put her in this situation because we're all just one decision away from something like that, making the wrong choice. Because when things happen, we don't always think, it's just a reaction.”
And they find grace in knowing their brother’s addiction isn’t what claimed his life.
“I was always afraid I would get that call,” his older brother, Christopher Farrar said.
But those fears had eased during the more than a year of sobriety his brother accomplished while no longer behind bars.
“And when they told me I need to talk to you, it’s about your brother, I couldn’t believe it,” Christopher Farrar said.
“He pushed himself to be better and it means a lot that this didn't have anything to do with him,” Michelle Jackson said, tears welling in her eyes. “I'm just happy that my brother was able to be himself.
“And be the man he wanted to be.”
Even though it was cut was too short.
Resources for crime victims:
If you have been a victim of a crime or know someone who has been, 5 On Your Side has compiled a list of resources.
Better Family Life is a nonprofit community development organization working to "stabilize inner-city neighborhoods." One aspect of its mission is a gun violence de-escalation program.
Life Outside of Violence "helps those harmed by stabbing, gunshot or assault receive the treatment, support and resources they need to find alternatives to end the cycle of violence."
The Urban League of Metropolitan St. Louis has an anti-crime program called “Safety Net for Youth Initiative,” which is a joint partnership with St. Louis Public Schools to provide services to at-risk youth.
Cure Violence is an international organization that has recently launched in a handful of St. Louis neighborhoods. Violence interrupters are trained to deescalate violent situations within their own communities.