ST. LOUIS — St. Louis author Christina Santiago holds her poetic memoir in her hands on a summer evening.
The book called "You Can Go to Hell and Back" was published on World Mental Health Day on October 10, 2022, and it sold out the first 100 books.
Now, she's ready to reprint.
"I do believe, in fact I know, I'm living proof that psychotic episodes, full-blown mania and depression can be survived," she read aloud from her book. "If you are reading this, I want you to know there is hope."
The book, which has a mix of poems and essays, details her experience living with bipolar I disorder. She was diagnosed about five years ago.
At the time, she was 24.
She acknowledged the signs were hard to read.
"I didn't know something was up. With my case of bipolar 1 disorder, I was manic, so on the upper end of things. It's like being naturally high. I wasn’t sleeping, my eating was off, I was over-exercising I was going out all the time, things not like me," she said.
Her friends caught on.
Sammie Jurado has known Santiago for more than a decade.
The duo met during high school doing musical theatre.
Jurado and some of their friends noticed something wasn't right.
"We were like, 'There is definitely something to be concerned about.' We all got together and reached out to her parents and said we think something is going on," Jurado said.
Santiago's parents agreed.
Santiago said she was in denial and sick. She brushed it off.
Then, Santiago experienced psychosis one night in December.
"I was hallucinating and some part of me was still healthy to know that wasn’t real. So, in the middle of the night I woke up my parents and had them bring me to the hospital," she said.
She was hospitalized at the start of 2018.
"We went to Mercy Behavioral Health and I was there for 10 days. After that, I did a month of intensive outpatient group therapy. At 24, almost 25 I lost my old job, my old apartment, I lost a ton of friends from weird, bad behavior that was caused by being sick," she said.
However, she was able to turn the page.
She was able to get help and land a job in October 2018 as a producer at the NBC station in Kansas City. She said she's also financially stable and in a healthy relationship.
Santiago also made a memoir.
Her words are meant to bring wisdom.
"Don't be afraid to express concerns," Santiago said.
She said her friends and family uplifted her.
"She did so much work and she went through so much," Jurado said with tears in her eyes. "I was there, but I was on the sidelines, so just for her to have an outlet that she can share her story... it's a proud moment as a friend."
Santiago wants this book to be a builder.
She rebuilt her own life and wants to build others up, too.
"I really think hearing and reading other people's stories of adversity can help you see a path forward for yourself," she said.
If you want a copy of the book, click here.
If you want access to Mercy's Behavioral Health program, click here.