ST. LOUIS — Tina Goetting was, as her family calls her, a real piece of work.
And, as it turns out, so was her funeral.
It fell on Sunday, the first day of new regional restrictions that limited gatherings of any kind to 50 people in an attempt to slow the spread of coronavirus.
Goetting’s sister-in-law, Karen Goetting of O’Fallon, Missouri, said Baue Funeral Home staff members called her the night before the family’s final farewell to the 49-year-old to let them know that mourners would have to be limited to no more than 50 people at a time.
Karen Goetting took to social media to keep friends and family informed of the unexpected cap on their gathering.
“I got a lot of messages and phone calls from people saying they weren’t even going to try to come because they didn’t want to intrude on family time, so there was a lot less people who came, which was disappointing,” she said. “You feel like you need that support when you’re going through something like this, but the messages helped because it was still like people were thinking of you.
“The saddest thing was that most of Tina’s friends from the assisted living facility where she recently lived are younger and a lot of her friends she really loved were put on quarantine in the facility the day before she died.”
Other local families are facing similar circumstances as funeral homes large and small grapple with limiting the number of those allowed to grieve among their loved ones.
Cemeteries are changing their guidelines, too.
Catholic cemeteries were given the following five rules Monday:
- All committal services scheduled until April 6 must be limited to and not exceed 50 people. Any services with an insufficient number of pallbearers must be held in a cemetery chapel. If the cemetery doesn’t have a chapel and there aren’t enough pallbearers, internment must occur at the parish church or funeral home and interment will not be allowed at the cemetery.
- Higher risk people as defined by the CDC are not encouraged to attend committal services.
- Starting Tuesday, offices at Calvary Cemetery and Resurrection Cemetery offices will close to visitors. People are asked to call or email the office during regular business hours for information regarding burial locations or grave spaces.
- No more than three family members can attend appointments at the office.
- Chapels and offices will be cleaned regularly following each service or appointment
The owners of Michel Funeral Home in St. Louis’ The Hill neighborhood said some families are postponing services, especially for loved ones who have been cremated.
“That’s when you want your families around you, to help console you and help with your grief,” said Calvin Whittaker, who owns Michel Funeral Home. “For some people, their friends are closer than their families.
“Now do you have to tell Uncle Sam he can’t come? And if I have to tell someone’s uncle or cousin, ‘You can’t come in,’ and they say, ‘She’s in there and she’s just a friend,’ Now I’m the bad guy? Funerals are an emotional time anyway if you got a friend in there and have relative sitting outside then what?”
St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson along with several regional leaders announced the cap on groups of 50, but by Monday afternoon President Trump recommended gatherings of no more than 10.
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“That could change and it’s for everyone’s health, particularly because the older people who are more at risk tend to attend funerals,” said Krewson’s spokesman, Jacob Long. “We ask that once you’re in the room together, please practice social distancing and try to stay six feet apart.
“The City of St. Louis doesn’t have any documented cases yet," Long said Monday, "so we have this very narrow delicate window in which to take these proactive measures to protect public health so we don’t get in a situation where suddenly it’s here and then we have to react.”
Hours later, the city confirmed its first COVID-19 case.
The Baue family’s funeral homes, which are located in St. Charles County, have started providing free video services and webcasting to those who do not wish to attend services in person, said John Baue Devaney, director of operations. He also runs the Ziegenhein funeral homes on St. Louis’ south side.
He said the funeral homes that typically host multiple services at the same time are spreading out their funerals so as not to overlap. They’re handing out bottled water only, no reusable cups, and they’re also sanitizing each room after every service.
“It’s a very tough thing because we really care about our families and their grief,” he said. “Every family has been very understanding, but they’re grieving at the same time so it’s an angry grieving like, ‘Why does this have to happen? I can’t have proper services.’”
Hoffmeister Funeral homes never returned calls, so it's unclear whether they are limiting their funerals or making any changes.
Tom Kutis of Kutis Funeral Home, Inc. said his company is adding information to obituaries encouraging anyone who may not be feeling well to not attend the services, as well as including their full address so people can send cards or messages of support.
He said his three funeral homes across south St. Louis and St. Louis County rarely have more than 50 people attend services, and rarely overlap, so keeping within the recommended guideline is going well so far.
"In general, I'd say the numbers of people coming to visitations are down," Kutis said.
In Italy, where people are dying from coronavirus, not even immediate family members are being allowed to attend funerals, according to a Washington Post article titled, “In an Italian city, obituaries fill the newspaper, but survivors mourn alone.”
Karen Goetting estimates that her sister-in-law’s funeral would have easily doubled in attendees had everyone been allowed to attend.
But, in some small way, the unusualness of it all brought a smile to Karen Goetting’s face as she recalled that her sister-in-law’s personality was anything but typical.
She lived her life doing what she wanted to do, regardless of what doctors told her. Even with congestive heart failure and diabetes, she abided by an M&M diet – Marlboroughs and Mountain Dew, her family said.
“She died on Friday the 13th, was the first to get the funeral home shut down for her service and now she’s making it into an article,” Karen Goetting said. “Her tombstone says, ‘A real piece of work.’
“She was a handful, so this follows her protocol. I just hope this gets over soon so other people can get back to life as we know it.”
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