ST. LOUIS — It's hard to know what to say or how to help someone who is grieving, especially during the holidays. Some words can help, some can hurt.
"Even when I didn't want to celebrate, just turning over, looking at texts—because I was stuck in bed, I couldn't do much of anything," said Precious Jones, adding texts and calls have helped her grieve her son. "Losing a child that you created is really, really hard, especially around the holidays."
Moved by his story, Jones prayed for 16-year-old Colin Brown at his vigil, and now her heart breaks for his grieving family. Brown died Wednesday from his injuries after he was struck by stray gunfire on Interstate 55.
"Hit by a random bullet. It could have been any of us and it happened to be a 16-year-old," Jones said.
With tears in her eyes, Jones said, "No one can imagine what his mom is going through."
But Jones can; her son was killed when a stray bullet struck him while asleep in bed.
After her son died, many messages brought Jones comfort. But she said some well-meaning words did not help: "He's in a better place or she's in a better place. They wouldn't want to see you sad. They wouldn't want to see you hurting."
Clinical Mental Health Therapist Richelle Shorter explained why those words can hurt.
"It implies that where I'm at right now is not where I am supposed to be and that's just not the case. Grieving doesn't have a timeline," Shorter said.
When asked what people should or could say, Shorter recommends this: "Nothing. You don't have to say anything. Sometimes we just want the space, right? And holding space doesn't look like creating a solution, it just looks like, 'I'm here to listen.'"
Dr. Bart Andrews, the Chief Clinical Officer for Behavioral Health Response of St. Louis, has listened to many grief journeys. For kids and teenagers, he says their grief may not mirror the adults around them: "Some kids are not going to want to talk about it and that's OK. Some kids may just want to go about their life and may not have anything to say about it."
For grieving kids and adults, Andrews recommended trying to get back to a normal routine as quickly as possible. He said a routine can help with the grieving process.