Their nonprofit serves as a conduit for Black men to help them engage in “straightforward and authentic” conversations about life’s daily challenges. Its website states that NMH “provides a safe space for men to find their true purpose in life.
When a server delivered their food, LaVada interrupted the interview to pray. Among other blessings she noted, “Lord, we thank you for one another…”
That acknowledgement spoke to the couple’s inspiring relationship. They’ve been married for almost three years. Both are religious, heavy on education (both were collegiate academics) and have children from previous relationships. They are committed to a mission to help Black men overcome hurtful personal and societal stereotypes, hidden trauma, and buried pain.
Saint Rice started NMH about 20 years ago while serving as a correctional officer at Missouri Eastern Correctional Center prison in Pacific, Missouri. Ironically, it was prisoners at that facility that put him on the healing track he now occupies.
Rice said he observed “lifers,” older Black prisoners, many serving life sentences, who made a concerted effort to reach out and counsel younger inmates.
“Many of the convicts were mature men who understood the conditions of their lives,” Rice recalled.
“They were trying to find a sense of normalcy, so they reached out to inmates with immature minds, who were still doing the type of things that caused them to be in that space in the first place. I saw how these older men talked to these younger men; how they would tell them their minds were controlling their actions. That birthed this mission.”
It was in that prison setting where Rice said he was exposed to the dire societal patterns of Black life. He listened as older inmates discussed topics from the ‘70s, 80s and 90s, like the removal of Black men from their homes due to welfare restrictions; the Vietnam war, poverty, the infusion of crack cocaine, the drug wars that targeted poor, Black neighborhoods, and how racism created environments that fuel the nation’s preschool-to-prison pipelines today.
Rice, who described himself as a “boots-on-the-ground” sort of guy, credits LaVada for her administrative, management and financial skills. She finds grants, scholarships, and other resources for the growing 501 c3 organization.
LaVada, however, describes herself more as Saint’s motivator.
“I push him more than anything,” she explained. “And that’s because I know what’s in him. I know his greatness and I don’t want him to miss God’s calling. I’m here to say, ‘Hey, I got the life jacket but I’m going to push you out the boat.’”
Although NMH offers programs, podcasts and services for Black women, the organization is unapologetically focused on Black men.
The Rice’s note how many Black men have internalized behaviors based on societal constructs that make it difficult to be vulnerable or share emotions.
As the author, bell hooks detailed in her book We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity, Black men who are viewed inside a stereotype can become “dehumanized and invisible, and their psychological and emotional health suffers.”
LaVada said the malady has historical roots.
“Alot of it goes back to slavery where Black men were so dehumanized, working in the fields, in their homes or whatever they were doing,” she said, adding: “They were always treated less than, even less than the Black women.”
Rice transitioned from a correctional officer to a case manager, to a probation officer before pursuing degrees in higher education. Before embracing his journey to help Black men find their better selves, Rice said he had to deal with his own internalized, undiagnosed trauma.
Born in Kinloch, he never knew his biological father. At a young age, his grandfather, a cab driver, and his uncle were gunned down on the job on Christmas Eve 1973. This was around the time his mother married his stepfather and the family moved to other locations in North County. Rice lost his only younger brother, who suffered from mental illness and substance abuse.
Raised in the church, Rice said there wasn’t a huge presence of Black men in his life.
“Most of the Black men at church talked in riddles. They weren’t sitting down and having real conversations that explored manhood, sexuality and all the stuff we need to know. So, I didn’t feel enough trust to open up with them,” he said.
“Trust” is a big component in Black men’s failure to share their feelings, Rice added.
“For the men I’ve dealt with, love comes through trust and respect. When a man trusts his space, he’s going to stay close to it.”
It’s not necessarily the environment that causes us to hide, Rice stressed.
“Many times, Black men just stay in a place of hiding. The key to freedom is how we feel about ourselves. If a man can come to a place of peace within himself then he can operate in any environment.”
In states of mental, spiritual, and psychological brokenness, Rice said Black men have “done things that cause us not to trust ourselves. He added, “there are things that have been done to us that cause us not to trust others.”
Rice had to go through counseling himself. He avoided his own unrecognized trauma by constantly creating goals for himself. Through counseling, he realized that his constant goal setting was simply a way to “disassociate himself from the pain and trauma” he experienced as a child. He couldn’t grow or help others grow, until he was able to deal with himself.
Like other Black men, Rice added, many have trouble articulating the trauma in their lives.
“We just function through it, it’s part of our normal, expected existence. It’s like having an untreated wound; you just get used to the pain,” Rice said.
NMH, he said works to help men do away with the myths and stereotypes pertaining to black men “not being nurturing or goal-oriented or unwilling to be in monogamous relationships.
“When you start working with men, you get down to the core and you find out that their desire is like Black women…they want to be stable, they want to be more of a nurturer and many of them are, especially with their children.
“It’s just that you don’t hear about or see that side of Black men much,” Rice continued. “Yet, there is no one as resilient as the Black man, especially in the U.S. and I don’t think there’s enough focus placed on the positiveness, resiliency or the grit that we have.”
Although NMH talks about connecting men “with their Creator,” LaVada and Saint point out that they’re not necessarily talking about religion.
“It’s more about relationships than religion or rituals,” LaVada said. “It’s about how we restore relationships with ourselves.”
Saint added that many men mistakenly think they must find alternative ways to get to God.
“They think, ‘maybe it’s through my woman or maybe it’s through organized religion.’ No, that man can call on God while he’s walking down the street and God will lead him. The Word of God says He desires a relationship with us…so, once a man opens up and connects with God, He will lead him to the right space to learn more about Him.
“We’re dealing with this ‘I can do it on my own’ doctrine,” Rice continued. “Well, if we could do it on our own, then everybody would be doing it. When we have something that is greater than us, then all things are possible.”
NMH is a full-time, 24/7 gig for the Rice’s. They travel constantly hosting or participating in conferences that explore the tenants of their organization. They aim to expand NMH globally and have plans for workshops, books, healing kits and conferences with specialists armed to address the full spectrum of men’s undiagnosed mental health issues.
Rice said NMH’s overall task is embodied in its mission statement:
“To improve life to the highest quality internally and externally, inspiring men to unveil their purpose while enhancing their character, empowering self, healing wounds, mentalities and spirits.”
You must be logged in to react.