How about that I-44 construction?! More on that, later.
It's been a while since I put out a sports buffet. Time can be a fickle beast, and a strange friend that withholds ideal moments to get things done. After a few entertainment buffets, I felt it was time to dig into a few topics in the world of professional sports. Complain about stuff. Point a few things out. You know, be me.
With baseball returning to collectively dazzle us and handle our hearts like a Faberge egg, the timing is ideal, so let's get into it.
Are MLB teams tanking?
Nope. I mean, the players aren't out there coughing up grounders and the pitchers aren't laying creamy fastballs over the plate. Is there some hesitation and Stan Kroenke-styled restriction in the front office? I'd lay a bet on that. Ever since John Mozeliak instructed the rest of baseball how to build from within ten years ago, teams are more reluctant every year to pour their life savings into one free agent market. So they wait, and it may look like throwing in the towel. In the end, it's just waiting. Their fan base wouldn't approve, but one must remember that at the end of the day (dropping a Mo favorite), it's a business. And certain owners do employ a rather unfortunate boring practice. Thankfully, the Cardinals won't be using those strategies anytime soon.
Is Tom Izzo the college basketball version of Thanos?
No. He can get a little tough with his players, get in their face, and use harder methods than athletic baby powder-and people are losing their minds. It is true what Clint Eastwood said. This generation, and the future ones, are stuffed full of (weaklings). Do people forget the legendary Bobby Knight and his practices on the court? He used tough love as well, and got results out of men who only knew "farm" and "animal" before they got to his arena. The reaction to Izzo is another example of people going softer than dog excrement after a spring rain. What I love are the reactions from his former and current players. They know what it takes to win. I blame the participation trophy legion for all of this softness. Aaron Henry will be better after that Izzo bashing. Trust me. I mean, the guy was born in a place called IRON MOUNTAIN!!!
Rob Manfred and the constant need to change baseball
I'm just about ready to hire Liam Neeson, in between "Taken" sequels at the moment and someone who could use some good PR, to "take care" of the MLB Commissioner. Take him someplace for a while, put someone more old school in his place, and stop this baseball change. I was sipping a cold, frosty Budweiser Select in an old South City neighborhood dive bar called The Silver Leaf Lounge on Sunday when I saw something scary. The extra innings started, and a runner was automatically placed at second base. Come on! Why do we have to do this? It's dumb. There's nothing wrong with certain games going long due to two teams' inability to demand a game be theirs in the standings. It's good drama. The sport is thriving, so why mess with it? I may add Frank Grillo to the extraction team, since Neeson's knees may be taking a beating.
Jori Lehtera gets busted for drugs
After allegations tying him to a drug ring came up last year, the former St. Louis Blue center was sentenced today to four months of probation for possession of a few ounces of cocaine with intent to sell and do stupid things with. In my mind, I imagined an upcoming season of "Narcos" on Netflix featuring Lehtera and Patrik Berglund running across the border with drugs and women. "Narcos" meets "Triple Frontier 2"?!? Sometimes, people given an elite talent can do bad things. Once upon a time, Blues coaches and management couldn't resist taking Lehtera off a line with Vladimir Tarasenko. Today, he's getting a drug-related slap on the wrist.
The Cubs should fear Paul Goldschmidt
I bet Theo Epstein was a little unsettled when Goldschmidt officially signed his extension last week. I bet he was hoping Ken Rosenthal's initial tweet was a parody or bot.
He probably slammed his glass full of Bacardi and Coke on the ground, thus undoing his light blue polo and ruffling his pleated khakis. Poor guy. He should be mad, though. Goldschmidt loves taking swings in Wrigley Field. In 22 games and 97 plate appearances, Goldschmidt is slashing .337/.433/.578 at Chicago, with five home runs included. This summer, when a big moment develops on the field, the Cubs won't be dealing with the first baseman of the week over there. They will be dealing with Gold. I'm not sorry about this.
Respecting Ovechkin
They should make this into a movie someday. A docu-series. Documentary. Whatever. The Washington Capital legend is on the verge of his eighth 50 goal season. He may have a head full of gray hair (unless he's meeting the President), but the man isn't slowing down as he gets into his 30's. The man has put 5,209 shots on goal in his career, and 313 of them this season. Many thought he was slowing down during the two-year stretch back in 2010-12 when he didn't put up a 40 goal season. They were wrong. It's been 49 or more in five of the past six seasons. He still gets to that dot, unleashes that shot, and sees it go in. Dude must be getting tired of raising his arms on some nights. He's got a fair chance of breaking Wayne Gretzky's goals record.
Non-sports finisher
Finally, a Twitter user stated that he ordered "bread sliced" bagels and that it was a hit at his workplace. He also said it was the best way to have a bagel.
While I send Liam Neeson after him, here are things worse than bread slicing a bagel.
- Fruit on pizza
- Stan Kroenke owning a sports franchise
- A naked hot dog on a bun
- Undercooked French fries at McDonald's
- "Speed 2"
- Complaining about Tom Izzo
- Rooting for a Blackhawks win
- A Michael Bay "Transformers" movie
- A former actor trying to be a stand-up comic and reacting like a spoiled baby to a bad review
- Saying Matt Carpenter's not that good
- Walking back to your seats at a hockey game before the whistle
- Coffee with more cream or milk than coffee in it
- Decaf coffee
- Ordering steak at Uncle Bill's
- Ordering fries at a Mexican restaurant
- Rob Manfred's game-changing strategy sessions
- Joe Maddon's vigilante definition
- St. Louis city streets
- I-44 construction
- Restaurants who serve a salad on a bread plate
Thanks for reading.
