As I watched Stars goalie Ben Bishop writhe in pain after getting hit near the shoulder/collarbone by a Colton Parayko slap shot in game six, I found myself thinking, "Is that one of the most painful things that routinely happens in sports?".
The only other thing that immediately came into my head was getting hit by a blistering Jordan Hicks fastball.
But which would hurt more, and if forced to pick one to happen to you, which would people choose?
I took my ludicrous question to the place where ludicrous questions and statements thrive; Twitter.
More than 1,500 people weighed in on my poll, emphatically choosing to get hit by a Hicks fastball instead of a Parayko slapper.
This is a ridiculous question and probably impossible to answer, but I'll try to break it down.
Hicks fastball
Jordan Hicks is the hardest thrower in baseball, and it's not even close.
In 2019, Hicks owns the 23 fastest pitches in baseball, and the highest average pitch velocity by more than 2 miles per hour.
His fastest pitch in 2019 is 104.2 miles per hour. His fastest pitch last season, which was the fastest in baseball in 2018, was clocked at 105.1 miles per hour, which tied the MLB record.
What makes Hicks' status as the fastest pitcher in baseball even more amazing is that he's just 6-2, 185 pounds, and doesn't have a necessarily violent delivery.
The velocity he's able to generate is truly mesmerizing.
Hicks has hit nine batters so far in his career, eight last season, and one so far in 2019.
If Hicks hits your finger or elbow with a fastball, it's almost certainly getting broken. If he hits you on a bony spot... good luck not rubbing it and doubling over in pain. And if he hits you in a place with some fat shielding you, consider yourself as lucky as you could get in this situation.
You also need to factor in that a baseball is made of leather, yarn and wool, a rubber casing and a cork. Sure, that doesn't sound like a very intimidating combination, but you might change your mind in a hurry if it's coming at you at 100 miles per hour.
Parayko slap shot
Colton Parayko is a massive human being.
At 6-6, 230 pounds, Parayko is an impressive specimen on the ice.
The Alberta native has had 441 regular season shots blocked during his time in the NHL, and that doesn't factor in shots that catch the opposing goalie flush, like the one that took Ben Bishop to the ice in game six.
The Blues have measured just how hard Parayko's shot is a few times.
Back in 2016, they brought out a radar gun and clocked Parayko's shot at 102 miles per hour.
During the Winter Classic festivities in 2017, Parayko one-upped himself and hit 104 on the radar gun.
In 2015, the defenseman had a shot in Vancouver that ended up breaking the glass behind the goaltender.
In case you were wondering, Zdeno Chara of the Bruins owns the hardest shot ever recorded in the annual NHL hardest shot competition held during the all-star game skills competition with a 108.8 mph shot. (Former Blue Al MacInnis actually won that event seven times, with his all-time hardest shot coming in at 100.4 miles per hour.)
An NHL hockey puck is six ounces of vulcanized rubber.
They are also frozen and kept in ice-packed coolers with a temperature somewhere between 14 and 20 degrees Fahrenheit during games to reduce the amount of bounce they might have.
Final verdict
There is obviously no "correct" answer to this ridiculous question.
If I had to choose, though, I'd say a Parayko slapper would hurt more.
Of course there are some variables to debate. Would you be wearing pads when you got hit? Where would the puck or ball be hitting you?
But every time one of these hockey players voluntarily dives to block a slap shot, I just shake my head and can't believe it. They are mad men.
For some more spirited and fun talk on this ridiculous topic, check out this week's episode of the Sports Plus Podcast, where Frank Cusumano, Mike Bush and Craig Moeller join me to debate.